


Sanha's anxiety

by JiminWreckedSugaBias



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, Mentioned Kim Namjoon | RM, Mentioned Kim Seokjin | Jin, Panic Attacks, Sanha has anxiety, neglected maknae, sorry hyungs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-26 23:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14412972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiminWreckedSugaBias/pseuds/JiminWreckedSugaBias
Summary: Sanha has anxiety and the other members neglect their maknae a bit, making Sanha have a panic attack.---Okay so I never see these fanfics and I thought I would make it exist.





	1. The Attack

The day had started off okay. Everyone woke up, went through their morning routines, and they listened to different idols’ music to hype themselves up. Totally okay. Sanha hadn't even noticed the lack of attention he received. 

 

Breakfast had gone smoothly with everyone eating some rice, except Rocky who insisted on having fruit salad, and we're talking amongst each other about music, comebacks, and other idol groups. Nothing out of the ordinary, yet Sanha couldn't help but feel something… off.

 

“Oh! Have you guys seen how much Jin and Namjoon Hyungs have improved their dancing?” He asked as a conversation starter. 

 

“Yeah, cool Sanha.” It was the only response he got from JinJin before the leader went back to his conversation with MJ. Sanha wasn't hungry anymore. 

 

They must be busy, he thought as he tried to get their attention a few hours later. The maknae wasn't one to make a mountain out of a molehill if he could help it. So when this continued for a few more hours, he was only a bit concerned. Had he done something wrong perhaps?

 

...

 

And then lunch rolled around. 

 

“Jinwoo hyung, can we go out for lunch?” Minhyuk asked the leader a little after one that afternoon. Sanha looked up from his phone with hope and when the leader agreed, Sanha went to change into something more discreet. 

 

“Yes!” He heard Minhyuk shout joyously. Sanha had to agree. He had been feeling so left out and ignored all day so far. His efforts to initiate conversation or skinship of any kind being rejected time and time again until he just stopped trying, but maybe his luck was turning around--

 

“Alright everyone out the door, let's go!”

 

“Wait for--”

 

_ SLAM _

 

“... me…”

 

Sanha’s blood ran cold and he felt the tell tale prickling heat behind his eyes after he heard the door slam followed by the retreating footsteps of his Hyungs, his tears only spilling when he heard Rocky’s cheer of joy. 

 

They forgot him. They  _ forgot him. _ He couldn't believe it. Was he really that forgettable, that unimportant, that  _ replaceable _ ? 

 

Sanha had always doubted his place in the group. He wasn't maknae material, he was tall and bulky.

 

No, he though, Rocky would make a much better maknae.

 

Wait… was that what they were trying to tell him? All day today his Hyungs paid him so little attention but absolutely adored and spoiled Minhyuk. 

 

It was hard to breathe as he thought about it more but he couldn't help it. Did they not like him, were they going to kick him out of the group? Was he a bad maknae, did they want him to quit?

 

His head started spinning, his breathing getting more and more frantic by the minute making him spiral into what he could now identify as a panic attack. 

 

Should he call his Hyungs? JinJin and MJ had always told him to call, text, or find them if he ever had a panic attack, but after today… would they care?

 

No, he thought with more tears, they wouldn't. Why would they?

 

A sob erupted from his body before he could stop it as he tried to think of ways to make it up to his Hyungs, to apologise for such a bad maknae and to beg for forgiveness. 

 

Laundry? Cook? Clean?

 

Dishes. MJ hyung said he would get to them later, but if Sanha did them himself, then maybe it would be just enough to get them to give him another chance.

 

Despite the dizziness and grey spots that danced in his vision, he somehow managed to stand up and make it to the kitchen. His quick and shallow breathing echoed in the otherwise quiet kitchen, further impairing his hearing on top of the white noise that wouldn't stop. 

 

He’ll never know how he managed to clean two bowls and a cup, but his success was very short lived when his arms and hands went numb, he supposed from hyperventilating, and the glass he had just rinsed dropped to the ground. 

 

It shattered as soon as it hit the floor, the noise making the maknae jump, and a sharp pain flared in his feet when he landed. 

 

He looked down and all he saw was red between the black spots of his tunnel vision. He felt dizzy at the sight, his breathing picking up when his tired and fuzzy mind registered that it was his blood. He staggered backwards a bit before slipping on water and falling forward. 

 

On the glass. 

 

He screamed. His chest, hands, and chin stung and got worse when he tried to move in any direction.

 

He hated that he couldn't calm down, hated that he was in pain, and hated that he was getting blood all over the…

 

The floor!

 

A whimper escaped him when he realized that his blood was getting all over the floor, that there was glass everywhere, and

 

'oh god, they're gonna hate me so much!’

 

He couldn't stop thinking about getting kicked out, he was terrified, he breathing picking up so it was frantic pants of breath that barely made it into his lungs before being expelled from his body, the next breath shorter and weaker than the last. 

 

“SANHA!”

 

Was that Jinwoo hyung, he thought briefly as he was jolted from his previous thoughts, but it didn't nothing to calm him down. 

 

His breathing got faster as his hyungs rushed to him, looks of panic and horror too obvious in their expressions. 

 

Sanha felt himself blacking out, he was fading fast. He didn't want them to be mad at him!

 

“I-I’m sorry…” he managed with some difficulty, his voice hoarse from lack of use and screaming when he fell. 

 

Soon his vision was completely surrounded by black, the white noise taking over and overpowering everything else. The last thing he saw were the concerned and panicked looks of his hyungs, the last thing he heard was a confused and worried MJ. 

 

“Sorry?”


	2. Explanations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys really wanted a chapter 2, so here it is! Hope you like it! 
> 
> (If you guys have requests for anything that you haven't seen or it just doesn't exist, lemme know and I'll try and make it exist!)

_ Beep beep  _

 

_ Beep beep  _

 

Uugh, turn that alarm off. 

 

That was the first thing Sanha though when he somewhat regained consciousness. 

 

_ Beep beep _

 

Why wouldn’t it stop?

 

_ Beep beep _

 

He opened his eyes to try and locate the noise, the bright light blinding him for a moment. 

 

“Sanha?” A voice said from his left. He recognized it as Jinwoo’s. After his eyes adjusted, he looked around. 

 

A hospital. 

 

He was in a hospital.

 

How the f- oh right. His panic attack. 

 

He looked at his hyung and tried to ignore the infernal beeping of the heart monitor. 

 

“What happened?” He asked, wincing at the sound of his scratched up voice. Apparently he wouldn't be singing for a while. 

 

“You tell me, Hun. We walked in and saw you hyperventilating on the ground, glass and blood around you. You said sorry before you passed out.” 

 

“Why did you apologise, Sanha?” He looked at the voice to his right and saw Rocky sitting there.

 

He saw the concerned looks in their eyes as he became more aware of his surroundings. He felt something on- and kinda in- his nose. 

 

“No no, leave that in!” JinJin exclaimed as he grabbed his wrist just before he managed to grab whatever it was. “It helps you breathe.” 

 

Oh, so it was an oxygen tube. Okay.

 

“Sanha, look at me.” The gentleness of the voice made him comply and look at Rocky. His expression made him feel guilty for no reason and he didn't like it. 

 

“What was that back there?” There was a shake in his otherwise steady voice that told Sanha the slightly older was more shaken up that he wanted to let on. 

 

“I… I think it was a panic attack.” He told him truthfully. He looked around his peripheral vision and noticed that it was only the leader and youngest rapper in the room with him. 

 

“Sanha, why didn't you call us or text us? We would have gone back straight away if we had known. I'm just glad that the place was closed for construction or we wouldn’t have gotten home nearly as soon.”

 

Sanha looked down, feeling extremely guilty for his panic attack. His anxiety had gotten the best of him for no reason, he had just been imagining everything the whole day. Why did he make such a big deal out of it?

 

“Sanha. Why didn't you call?” Rocky restated with a bit firmer voice. 

 

“I thought… You wouldn't care…” he said, eyes down at the sheet and fingers busying themselves with the loose threat he suddenly found very intriguing. 

 

“You… What?”

 

“Sanha…”

 

“But it's okay, I'm-”

 

“No it isn't okay. What would make you think that?” 

 

“Hyung…” Rocky started. His voice change made Sanha look up, only he wished he hadn't. 

 

Rocky's face had gone white, like he had seen a ghost. He looked a bit sick, but also like he had the answers to life. 

 

JinJin saw it too and stood up, only stopping when Rocky shook his head. 

 

“We ignored him all day… oh god, we-we forgot him when we went to go to the restaurant, but I swear he was right behind us. I'm… oh god…” 

 

“Hyung sit down, you look ready to pass out.” Sanha begged. 

 

“Sanha, what else did we do wrong?” JinJin asked with a hard expression. 

 

“I-It’s nothing-”

 

“Sanha, I don't wanna hear that come out of your mouth again. Do you hear me? Please. Tell us what's wrong.”

 

Sanha gave up and ducked his head. 

 

“You guys… kind of just ignored me all day. I tried to cuddle or start a conversation, but I got rejected every time or brushed off after one reply from any of you. And then… you guys paid so much attention to Minhyuk hyung and I felt like I was being replaced as maknae… like I should quit the group and you guys would be happier with Minhyuk hyung as maknae..."

 

He braced for an explosion, maybe anger or denial. He had just confessed something that made his Hyungs seem like bad Hyungs. But he knew that it wasn't their fault. 

 

“Sanha we are so sorry.” The voice was met with the feeling of water on his arm. The arm that JinJin was still holding. 

 

His hyung was crying. 

 

“Sanha, please forgive us. I don't know why I was so cuddly today, and there isn't an excuse if it takes away maknae time. We should be putting time aside to hang out with you, but it seems like we've been neglecting you and I'm so sorry.” Rocky was almost sobbing. 

 

Sanha stayed silent. He let them cry. They needed to cry to be able to let their emotions out.

 

“Hyungs?” He asked hesitantly after most of their tears had stopped and the sniffles had become less frequent. 

 

“Yeah, Sanha?” 

 

“When can I go home?”

 

“Soon. The nurse needs to make sure you're okay, that you're getting enough oxygen, and then make sure the few stitches you had to get are okay.” JinJin said.

 

Stitches?

 

“And then we can call manager and see about getting a ride home.” Rocky said with a small smile. 

 

“I can't wait to go home.” Sanha said with his own smile. 

 

“Sanha?” Rocky asked, his voice smaller than it usually is. The maknae looked over. “You know we love you right? None of us would purposely try to make you feel like that. And you could never be replaced. You're our maknae.”

 

Sanha blushed and his eyes went wide. “Of course hyung! My anxiety just got the best of me. I'm sorry…”

 

“Sanha, you have nothing to be sorry for.” JinJin told him. Sanha nodded but he would be lying if he said he believed his leader. 

 

“Have you taken your meds, Sanha?” Rocky asked suddenly. 

 

He thought for a minute before shaking his head. 

 

“I think I ran out earlier this week, but we were busy and I didn't want to be a bother.”

 

“Sanha you need to tell us when you run out. Promise me you'll tell us next time. I don't care if it's the day before a concert.” 

 

The look in JinJin’s eyes when he said that made Sanha agree right away. 

 

He knew his Hyungs loved him, he knew it. His anxiety just liked to lie, and he would do his best to not let himself listen to that anymore. He had his Hyungs to help, he had five of them. He loves all five, and he knows all five love him. 


End file.
